Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Eric Leonhard's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
8:45 am	Girls Marta- I really connected with the russian during this weekend's tournament. It was apparent that she likes me. We embraced several times and I kissed her on the cheek as cordiality although I think that I really wanted to kiss her on the lips. One quality we share is a certain twisted amusement towards offensive humor. There would be huge potential for us if only she didnt live 350 miles from me. Regina- I like this girl sooo much. She has a prospect back at home supposedly waiting for her although it sounds like she isnt even sure if he likes her. I have three weeks to get her to fall in love with me before she returns to San Diego for the break so I am kicking my romantical behaviors into overdrive. Regina is a very spiritual being who relies on positive thinking to materialize what she wants... but she is reasonable with it and does not buy into idealistic hippy bullshit. She is slightly gothic with a fascination for blood and pale skin. Yesterday on our hike I pulled the phony Pam-and-Jim marriage proposal where I ostensibly kneeled down to pop the question only to reveal that I just needed to tie my shoe. It scared the shit out of her :-) I told her about my "yes man" policy and she replied with a "that's retarded" much in the same way Carly Toyer would exclaim. Aw. This is convoluted. Near-perfect girl #1 lives too far away while near-perfect girl #2 seems to already have a pseudo boyfriend. Is it too much in my life to ask for something that works? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 14th, 2009
9:50 am	Anna Anna Hanke is the greatest roommate ever. During her visit I drove us to Costco as she peeled a grapefruit and shared it with me. I experienced sort of an infinite lapse of time as we both chewed on pulpy chunks of the fruit, juice dribbling down our chin while uncontrollably smiling and giggling at ourselves. One of the single happiest moments of my life. The future: -I suspect that despite her relluctance to admit it, Marta really likes me. We have progressed from a facebook chat relationship to a telephone relationship. I will get to see her in exactly one week and I have no idea how things are going to pan out... but thus far i have a good feeling about her. Confession: I am going to this upcoming tournament solely to see her. Traveling with the school forces me to compete, so essentially i am doing a ton of prep work for some silly girl I have only spent two hours of time with. I am no longer interested in debate due to the formal style that is so strictly imposed. In my opinion, dialogues are a much more effective means of argumentation than british-parlimentary-formal-fucking-asshole-finite debate. I hate wearing business-professional attire and I hate having to compose my natural energy in the name of professionalism. On the other hand, debate is the reason why I met Marta. -I am not sure if hiking the Lost Coast while recovering from tendonitis is a good idea... but Yes Man blah blah blah. I purchased large amounts of gear that I cant afford for this trip and it is sure to be cold and raining. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
9:09 pm	Maybe I need to get away for a bit? Tonight I found myself wandering around my old neighborhood after having inattentively and aimlessly driven there. I think I just wanted to get some fresh air in a quaint and private park at first, but as my mind tends to wander so did my legs. I regained awareness while standing in the parking lot of my old complex. I do not have many regrets but I really should not have given up that place. I am so emotionally attached to it. It was the perfect apartment. Great landlord, great neighborhood, a massive amount of space, and of course a great roommate. Speaking of which, Anna my former roommate is vising this week! I miss having her as a living partner. My current housing situation is more akin to my old life in the dorms. The housemates and I all have separate rooms and happen to share a hall and living area. Thats it. Crystal is surprisingly perceptive of my outlook and weary about not imposing upon my personal space. The jokes about how no one is ever sure whether i am here are not continue to fly. Halloween was a blast at the Arcata plaza. I ran around drunk yelling "I'm a tea bag! I love everyone!", snogged a complete stranger and signed a smiley face on her breast at her request. The autograph looked just like this: Sierra, :-) -Eric on her friend's butt, i drunkenly signed: Jessica, Happy Holidays! -Eric In other news, I am going to look into national student exchange for next semester out of curiousity but am pretty intent on staying at HSU. My knee tendonitis feels better but it could just be me. I cannot resume my old exercise habits until I know I have beat this monster of a condition for good. I think I most look forward to going to work these days. Its actually quite lovely waking up at 6 o'clock to walk in the brisk air with the sunrise over Arcata's green forested hills. All I have to look forward to that day is socializing with my awesome coworkers and customers while getting paid to do so. Perhaps this is an indicator that I should seriously pursue a bartending gig? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
3:06 pm	Lucidity Usually caffeine has a very wiring effect for me without abating attentional difficulties the way that adderall does. Today I had a mexican mocha with less than one shot of espresso and found myself in an unexpectedly lucid state. I walked down sunset avenue with a huge grin on my face, able to feel the cool breezes on my skin. It was somewhat akin to taking a very small dose of shrooms; sensory and intellectual perception was enhanced but I was not impaired. So with an increased thinking ability, I reflected on my life: I have always been one step behind the norm. During my childhood while everyone was enhancing their social competence and making friends, I remained introspective and attached to my one real friend at the time, Matt Stubstad. I was ready to start becoming more socially experimental during high school but was discouraged by the selection of potential friends- a bunch of immature douchebags. I did not particularly connect with others and so withdrew socially instead of participating in normal activities like college prep classes and sports. I wasnt interested in anything except getting through this tumultuous and discouraging period of my life. College was a great improvement for me because I found good friendships and honest activities I could enjoy. I am now preparing to enter the real world without any firm idea on what I want to do, now just forming the inclination to go out and explore new things. I am ready to take up playing a musical instrument, learn other languages, try out different sports and activities, etc. But I am too late. School will soon be over and while I will form many hobbies, I have missed a critical period in life to explore many different things at once through a protected social structure. I want to re-do high school and college. The implication is that I likely wont be able to pick a concrete career direction until later in life when I am ready. I am now just starting to explore my interests. Other stuff that happened recently: -I saw Paranormal Activity with one of the coolest girls i know, Becca. It was the funnest scary movie I have ever seen where Becca and I spent the duration jumping into each others arms. I think she was the one who was really scared while i clutched her hands as more of a support crutch for her. That movie had its terrifying moments but delivered them in small doses while mixing in plenty of alternate storyline and comedy. -Anna called me a few nights ago. We met up in person so that she could apologize to me, her sincerity indicated by her constant breaking down into tears. She said she missed having me as a friend and enjoyed my intellectual quality that is apparently very rare in others. I think I am ready to be her friend but we have some trust issues that might take some time to heal. Regardless of our circumstances, I made a promise to myself (and to her) that I would do her no harm. I want to support her. -tendonitis of my knees was caused by my perpencity for physical activities. On a weekly basis, I bike ride, walk, swim, rock climb, dance, and stand on my feet for hours at a time working at muddy waters. Its too damn bad too because the exercise has been great for my ADHD and insomnia. Many people have reported to me that I am alot calmer and collected. While recovering and therefore abstaining from activity, my anxiety has grown and insomnia worsened. (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
11:22 pm	Marta is a babe! She makes all other women look like artichoke-spinach-cheese appetizers, at a formal party, where people are not good dancers. And she is uber creepy too! I get to see her at my next tournament nov 20th! I figured I needed to make at least one entry dedicated to her babeliciousness. In other news, I have tendonitis in my knees and it truly truly sucks. I fantasize about Marta giving me romantic knees massages. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 12th, 2009
8:34 pm	The last two weeks have possibly been the most exciting of my life I AM NOT GOING TO USE ANY LJ-CUTS ON THIS ENTRY BECAUSE I WANT TO FORCE EVERYONE TO READ IT. I AM HAPPY DAMMIT! 1. So glad that I am not with Anna any longer. She has made no efforts to contact me since I symbolically broke off our relationship by returning her crap to her, though I still predict that she will experience a latent guilt trip, perhaps after she is done with her current squeeze. It is ironic that while the whole point of our relationship was to be not serious or committed, she has caused me more stress than any other woman I have been with. For a nano second, I thought I would regret letting her go and miss waking up next to a warm body. In actuality, I dont miss it at all, and have received plenty of affection from my good friends. I am satisfied. 2. LoveFest was nothing short of amazing. One weekend of MDMA-usage, dancing like a talentless idiot, hugging and kissing dozens of receptive strangers, and accomplishing all of the above on a small budget, beats having a "real" vacation. The only thing that could top it off is doing it with your best friends... AND I DID THAT TOO! More of these on facebook: I met a girl named Jen whom I danced with, snogged, and provided psychotherapy to. What can I say? The MDMA I took was the best I have ever had and in my indiscriminate haze of love, I am happy to say I have no regrets doing such a thing. She has some major issues and I got to be a positive influence in her life. However, she is rather obsessed with me despite my attempts to bring her back down to the reality that a future relationship between her and me is not possible. An excerpt from her blog that she wrote about me: "I can honestly say I have never felt a connection like this with anyone before. It wasn't because of drugs, or anything, they had worn off by this time. I thought love at first sight was one of those ridiculous things that never happens. This person is just so fucking amazing. When we were dancing, I've never had a better kiss by any other guy before. I've never had a guy take me out to dinner like that and tell me all the sweet things he did without trying anything else. He read me like a book and made me feel like nothing else mattered, but that moment. Just out of the good of his heart. His words make me melt. I've never met a guy who would take an hour bart ride with me back to where I had to go and then sit by himself going back for an hour, just so he could spend more time with me. I feel lucky for meeting him. It gives me hope." I am flattered that I could restore her hope but nothing would tear me apart more than if in the end, I became a selfish bastard who broke her fragile heart. 3. I went to my first forensics (as in debate and rhetoric, not CSI) tournament this weekend. I delivered my speeches well and captured my audience better than other competitors did, but technically ranked poorly since I violated the then-unknown arbitrary criteria. For example, being too animated during my performances took me down a few since my high energy style isnt "professional" (funny, since thats what makes me great at capturing audiences in the first place). I am going to skip the rest of the details and go right into how I became totally infactuated with a russian woman who served as competition against my school. She approached me due to my intriguing smile and we ran off together to frolic around Lewis and Clark Uni, taking photos and getting to know one another. I later heard that debaters from my school did not like her because she made reprehensible arguments, which of course is just another turn on for me. Long story made short, I later returned to the campus to find and proclaim my love to her, but was too late as she already left on her bus. When I got back to Humboldt, she facebooked me, stating that she did indeed like me very much and regretted not giving me her number. We have been talking frequently since. She is quick-witted and has the appearance of an angel. Why must I be smitten over someone who lives hundreds of miles away from me? Gorgeous: I am working on getting some video footage of her on here, but try facebook for all of my videos in the mean time. Life is so great right now, but I cant seem to shake the annoying feeling that this is all bound to end soon enough. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 1st, 2009
4:09 pm	Away from Anna and towards lovefest I returned all of Anna's stuff to her a few hours ago, ie. her pillow that is perpetually at my place as well as her random bits of stray jewelery. I have been magnanimous and forgiving of her mistakes... and believe me, some of them were pretty big ones, but I cant keep doing this. I would like to continue to tolerate and support her, but all in all, i have my needs as well. When I have something that I need to talk over with her, I can only hope she will want to converse until the issue is ameliorated. But alas, she does not communicate well, sometimes threatening to leave if the issue bugs her. If we cannot converse to resolve things then having a relationship is not possible; COMMUNICATION IS A REQUIREMENT FOR ME IN ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. She could make all the mistakes in the world and as long as she would communicate and be honest, then I could stay with her. However, she cant/wont, so neither will I. My experience with Kate taught me that there is no room in life for dishonesty, distrust, and refusal to communicate. So being that we were in an open relationship, she is free to go off with her new flavor of the week and maybe, just maybe, he can keep her satisfied (by the way, i was able to predict her swooning with another guy based on unconscious nonverbal behaviors she was emitting- The most impressive and accurate psycho-analyses I have ever done were on Anna). I sincerely wish the best for her and will continue to practice benevolence towards her. One thing I am really looking forward to is this weekend at LoveFest in San Francisco! All of my dear closest friends are going. I cannot wait to see everyone! Not to mention, LoveFest will make a great opportunity for finding a light-hearted rebound. This weekend is going to be fantastic! (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 26th, 2009
11:43 pm	Safia's Double/ bike ride to Trinidad. Purchased a camcorder on impulse yesterday. Attended Valora's birthday party where I ran into Safia's double- a lady who looks remarkably like Safia, is turkish, and quite appropriately, is also named Safia. I managed to capture a short clip of her... this is uncanny: A few key differences between the two: The Safia doppelganger is slightly taller than the real Safia, smokes more ciggs than an incarcerated Courtney Love, has black hair (dyed, i think), and does not pique my romantic interest the way that the real Safia does. In other news, I borrowed Hayley's road bike and made a 28-mile ride to Trinidad and back. Here is a short clip of Trinidad in its splendor: (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
9:21 pm	updates and life reflections. -The apparent suicide of Alex Taherkhan has jostled me into a sort of existential grief crisis. Five years ago when I lost my friend Crystal, whom I was only starting to get close to, it was just downright sadness. Alex, although someone I have slowly dropped contact with since the end of my Mr. Friendly drug-dealing days when we were great friends, was someone who was attractive, charming, and everyone's buddy. Him not wishing to remain alive is baffling and has propelled me into a perennial state of "what's the point of life?" reflections. Why have children? Why be responsible for subjecting others to this pointlessness and the inescapable despair they will suffer? -Since the semester has started, I have had the unrelenting urge to re-kindle old friendships, particularly ones that went astray for no real reason! There are two people in particular who I am on a mission to get back on the track with. My subconscious has affirmed these desires by implanting them in the plots of my dreams. -Anna and I had a great week where I feel we grew closer. I believe she finds me to be a "therapeutic" individual and I value for her oddities and idiosyncrasies. She has a very unique perspective on life matters that often matches my own. I am still not interested in anything exclusive however. It is nice having a good friend to wake up next to for company's sake. There is no need to complicate things. When people ask me if she is a "fuck buddy", I reply say "no!... she is a mind-fuck buddy". Pretty clever, eh? :-) -I am likely to drop out of the debate tournament I am supposed to compete in at Lewis and Clark University early october. The tournaments are an enormous amount of pressure and I am struggling with the many rules and formalities of academic debate. My plan is to attend the conference for the purposes of familiarizing myself with their procedures, which will enable me to compete at a later date. -I have observed a "save the world, dare to be great" complex that most of my peers have taken up. My inability to decide on a career may be related to the absence of wanting to be great or to do something great. I dont really care to contribute anything to the world; it is a temporary and meaningless place to me. Rather, I am looking to contribute to myself. Is their something wrong with wanting to just live and let alone everything else? Most careers seem to assume that their prospects are those with a passion to contribute to society... a lack of passion translates to a lack of a career commitment. -I thoroughly enjoy my job at Muddy Waters. The co-workers are great, the clientele is great, and the constantly doing something is great. Now how can I make a career out of this?!?!?! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
8:18 pm	And now for a summary of my roommates I am OK living here. We all get along but the fun-factor that was present when living with Anna does not exist anymore. Despite that things are going OK, I long for someone to be excited to come home to, the way I did with Anna. I dont ask my roommates how their days were like I did with Anna, because I frankly dont care how their days was. Why cant they be Anna? David: David is probably the most anti-social (and I do mean lacking social skills, not being criminal) of the bunch, though the others are not far behind him. He likes to elaborate and obsess over things (ie. bad jokes) that he thought were funny but arnt really, and certainly are not worth going on about. You can often find him esoterically quoting movies out loud. I remember when I first introduced myself to him, "Im Eric, nice to meet you!", and he responded with a "yeah". A nice guy whose simplicity I admire. His room is immaculate and only contains the very basic of furniture which is pretty much just a mattress on the ground and a fold-up table. The rest of the room is almost completely empty. He seems to appreciate video games as I can often hear him talking to himself/the tv while he plays them as if he were a part of their virtual universe. Doug: I was surprised when I found out that Doug was a freshmen because he looks older and is more inhibited than most freshman. He is most like my former roommate, Nick Smith, both psychologically and physically. He uses the most drugs out of the other roommates and often has friends/stoners stay over. He also seems to share a liking for video games and the same cult movies my other roommates enjoy. Jeromy: A harmless nice man who sometimes comes off as intimidating at first. He has a nazi look to him, with a bald head, long goatee, and obsession with military gear. If I had a redneck hunter for a roommate, it would be him, only he uses airsoft guns for games instead of real ones that can actually kill animals. He likes to get up on his soapbox and rant about anything unimportant; "The only reason Disney wants to buy out Marvel comics is because of... RANT RANT RANT CONSPIRACY RANT". For this reason I try not to engage in too much conversation with him; I never know what it could unfold into. Crystal: Crystal is the one I am warmest and most communicative with because she is extremely friendly and talkative. Crystal laughs at EVERYTHING regardless of whether its funny or not. She often follows me into my room chuckling about whatever, unaware of my implicit hints that I am trying to get away from her because she never shuts up. Out of all the roommates, I am most intruiged by her psychological makeup and detect many well-hidden tensions between her and Jeromy, who are actually boyfriend and girlfriend. She is so unnaturally cheerful that I surmise she has many skeletons hidden in her closet. I often find her doing everyone's dishes for them and am therefore concerned about her lack of assertiveness. Myself: I happen to be my most favorite roommate. I believe the other roommates are curious about my reclusive nature and I sometimes overhear them talking about me. When I am at home, I shut myself away in my room where I can get my schoolwork done or hang out with Anna. They perceive me to be trustworthy and mature and have yet to experience my truly hyperactive side. They possibly suspect me as being arrogant since I elect not to excessively interact with them and prefer being away from the house. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 5th, 2009
10:49 pm	No, it tastes more like burnt yogurt The other day I participated in my first practice debate and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. In early October I am going to be traveling to Portland (score!) for the weekend to compete in my very first tournament, with judges and everything! Debates in the professional/academic setting are much more intense than anything I have ever practiced before. You are assigned a topic at random and only have seven minutes to prepare a speech in the appropriate debate format. You then only have seven minutes to deliver said speech eloquently. Despite the immense pressure, I get completely fired up once I start jabbering. During the performance, the opposing team will shoot rebuttals at you; its like a freestyle battle where words and arguments become weapons as both armies take stabs at one another. Anna and I are still seeing each other despite some initial awkwardness and distancing. Things seem to be gradually improving between us. I am glad to be having fun with her and hope that we will grow closer as good friends (very special friends who enjoy cuddling together). I dont see any near bf-gf relationship potential despite that the first week we spent together was extremely intimate. Its ok! I am satisfied with our current relations, dont want commitments anyway, and grow to be quite ecstatic when I am with her. Admittedly, I think about Safia from time to time even though we never really were "going together". She is someone who given the right circumstances (geographical), I would very much consider pursuing a long term relationship with. I hope she is serious about visiting me in Humboldt this semester! I have a serious career related problem: My passion in life seems to be taking advantage, psychologically, of other people. My original interest in psych was to become a sort of "mind magician" where I could understand and manipulate at will. I am still trying to figure out how I can make this into a career where I dont have to sell my morals, but also dont have to be so regulated by ethical codes and licensure. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
8:20 pm	Anna's Mistake Long story short: Anna got unreasonably drunk, flirted with, and kissed one of my roommate's friends. The next morning I told her I didnt want to see her anymore but have since decided that I would be willing to work on it if she was. She is allowed to see other guys because we are not in an official relationship, however, it was incredibly embarrassing and disrespectful for her to do that in my own house, right in front of my face like i didnt exist. If we push forward through this, I am confident we can get things back to normal but its going to be a while before I can trust her again. I certainly never want to see her drunk again. We are going to be natural around one another and honestly, i think things will be ok. However, I am not wasting my time on her if she doesnt seriously want to put forth the effort. Taking all of my friend's advice to just leave her and move on would feel like a triumph, like i stood up for myself and smothered the energy vampire that ailed me. However, I feel like it would be a greater victory to be able to get through this with her. Indeed, we would come out stronger in the end... but I can only do this if she wants to as well. Jesus would forgive her :-) and I sometimes look like Jesus when other people are on shrooms. I should be supportive rather than condemnatory. Might I also add that I am not naive. There are reasons why she did what she did that I am not at liberty to pronounce and I have ruminated on this decision for a long time now. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 30th, 2009
2:40 pm	House season six OMG!!!!!!!!! September 21!!!!!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
10:38 pm	roommates "eww have you ever seen a black girl's pussy? Its like chocolate with pink and black stuff all over. Gross!" -one of my roommates; cant be sure which one as I overheard the conversation through the door. The above statement is self-explanatory on why I just might have to get out of here! Actually they are a really nice group of kids but I seem to lack a connection with them. They are not particularly exciting and can be crude and obnoxious. I dont get excited about coming home to them like I did with Anna. I really miss Anna and am glad I never took her for granted! These other four kids I am living with must be really bored because they have not stepped away from the TV all day. One of them mimics the character of Michael Scott from The Office almost perfectly... except that he is not funny and therefore, is just annoying. I am waiting for school to start in anticipation that the routyness will subside. I am however somewhat more fond of Crystal as she has a very cheerful personality and is always checking to make sure I am adjusting ok. If i am going to share a connection and do fun activities with anyone in this house, it is going to be her. The good news is, I am on a month to month contract so I can leave practically whenever I want. I will move in with Nick if it isnt working out for him and his girlfriend and she decides to head back east. I never thought I would even consider living with Nick again, but now that I think about it, he is probably a different person than he was two years ago in Iverson house. He doesnt sell or use drugs anymore and his apartment was pretty clean when I visited today. Other than that, im not quite sure what I am doing here. I guess I am here to figure out what I am doing here, if that makes sense. Wikipedia provides a wonderful lists of masters degrees so maybe I will start there. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
12:02 pm	Road Revelations Making the long drive to Humboldt by myself has the natural tendency to make me reflect on life. Moving forwards on the road, city by city, landscape by landscape, gives the allusion of life moving forward! Mostly I thought more about how immature I am and how I am going back to school merely to avoid the real world like it is the plague... and frankly, I think I am ok with that notion. Growing up is over-rated. I want things to be like they were two years ago, carefree and spontaneous. I want to keep eating in the cafeteria and hanging out with younger not-so-serious people. Also I realized just how extreme the two worlds of Socal and Norcal are. I love the beaches in San Diego for their waters, but I love the beach in Humboldt for their landscapes. I enjoy San Diego's warm weather but I am addicted to Humboldt's brisk air. I have good friends in both places but am frustrated on how I cant have them both at the same time. Its too early to evaluate my roommates since I have only met one so far, but I will say that it is strange, but "ok", to be here. I think I just miss Anna and our old apartment which was a near-perfect living situation. The one roommate I did meet seems nice enough but very socially awkward. My former roommate Sarah now lives directly above me (bizarre coincidence!) and says that she sometimes sees my housemates jousting in the yard... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 14th, 2009
5:55 am	Reflecting on a fleeting summer This has been the best summer of my life! Its been exciting and unexpectedly emotional. Like something out of the movie Garden State, spending extensive amounts of time in my hometown which I havnt done in years has forced me to deal with some inner conflicts while rekindling old friendships. Themes and memories: -Safia: This is the only girl I have ever pursued who completely vexes me. I cannot accurately define our relationship even though she has made it clear that it is a platonic one. Inside of her, I know that there is an attraction to me that she has unleashed (perhaps accidentally) on several occasions... I hope that I was able to show her a good time so that maybe one day she will give me more of a chance. I would like to make her see the benefits of my companionship, like a brand new Dolby surround sound stereo system or a low-cost comprehensive health insurance policy. I would just add quality to her life. I know that her reluctance is not due to a factor in my personality, rather, I think that she just needs time. Meeting and courting her has been challenging and made my summer all the more exciting and I really hope to stay in good relations with her in the future. Sometimes I question myself, "why am i attracted to this girl, she is super weird?" But then I realize "oh yeah! Im weird too!" We share a passion for screwing with other people's heads. -I am angry over the unreliable tendencies of human individuals and society as a whole. How silly would it be to put faith into such things? Make no mistake: I am cynical, not misanthropic. Disappointed, not bitter. -When I ate mushrooms with a friend whose name cant be revealed for privacy reasons, we made a covenant to not allow each other to grow up to be materialistic siffy-duffers. That was quite possibly the most fervent promise I have ever made. I would rather have death by Samara Morgan than see this promise stagnate. Currently, I am satisfied with great friends and living on a college budget. I don't need nor strive for material wealth or prestige. Is it too much to ask for things to stay this way forever? -Captain kenos: As strange as it may be, this restaurant has played a vital role in my life. It is very lucrative for a summer job and in a time of economic downturn, has been reliable in providing me with work. I am learning how to bartend because of captain kenos, something that may keep me financially sound until I figure out what I want career-wise. My boss, although one crazy son of a bitch, is extremely loyal and someone who I hold much respect for. His riches could afford him to sell the place (and he does get offers) and retire on his own private island... instead, he opts to live on the roof of the restaurant in an “apartment” while using his finances to give back to the community. He drives a used F150 truck when he could be driving a whatever-the-hell-he-wants. What quintessential citizenship!  -I am empathetic but also slightly amused towards many of my friends- now recent graduates- experiencing symptoms of a quarter life crisis, particularly the ones who teased me when I was going through mine. I did everything I could to warn them. -Of course, one highlight of the summer was "operation: scam restraurants into giving me free food". I received approx. $100 in free food values due to a phony letter of complaint I sent out to major chains. Future Directions: -first things first, Carly is going to cut my hair short and im not quite sure why i agreed to this. Well, of course, I said yes because I am a yes man and she asked... its just, Iv'e never cut my hair shorter or deviated from its current style in eight years. Ive certainly never entrusted another individual to work on my own head (I have been cutting my own hair for a decade now) but I guess this is just part of my Yes Man vow to take more risks.  -Get up to humboldt and meet my new roommates. Its precarious to be jumping into an unknown living situation, but I have a really good feeling about these guys. -I will be living my life on a semester-to-semester basis, since the granting of my financial aide will determine where I stand in school. Right now I hope to pursue a 2nd degree in communications with a minor in criminal justice... but I may not see these through if the funding isnt there. Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: manipulating the system to keep receiving these grants is going to be my most challenging caper yet. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 7th, 2009
8:45 am	Captain Kenos Insanity Yesterday was the most insane and interesting day I have ever worked at captain kenos. -A man who I just might be able to diagnose with bipolar disorder becomes angry that his spagettii is taking too long to cook. He leaves me his phone number insisting that I call him once its ready. "Do not leave sir! It will be ready in a few minutes!" He leaves anyway only to return 15 minutes later after his food has been sitting there for some time. He rants about how at burgerking a crazed gunman killed an employee and then himself because his meal was taking too long. Thanks for the subtle warning, asshole. I told him not to come back. -Several foreigners and a mom with ten kids hungry for spaggetti come in to dine. Apparently, the rumors that foreigners dont know how to tip are true, though the mom with the $50 spaggettiiii bill managed to leave me a couple of dollars. Anyway, by the time they were done, the entire backroom was left a mess and I was swamped up front, unable to clean much. I went back there for a minute in an attempt to at least get some of it done, but then something magical happened: Four of the regulars at the bar and the bartender himself came over to clean the tables for me! They refer to me as "good Eric" and admire the way I have kept this place running efficiently so they were apparently obliged to help me out. They cleaned the whole damn room for me! What a magical moment. It is just like in Spiderman when spiderman was facing off with the green goblin, when all of the darn sudden, the entire city of new york starts to throw things at the goblin shouting "no one messes with our spiderman". Spiderman didnt realize that the city he served really did appreciate him! -Carly's boss came in and was (probably) flirting with me. I think she might have ADHD. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 1st, 2009
9:11 am	Professional formalities If I were a professor at a university I would likely have some sort of final examination for my students that would reflect a very large portion of their final grade. Lets say I administered this test only to later find out that every single student in my 400-seat lecture room got an A on it. What should I conclude? Should I conclude that every single student just so happened to grasp the material perfectly and that there was not even one who didnt? What If every single student received an F as their grade instead? Should I fail every student in the class because not one of them was smart enough to comprehend a word of my teachings? No. If either of these scenarios were true, then it would only serve as an indicator that my test was flawed from the start. The purpose of a test is to determine who the good students are apart from the ones who arnt doing so good. Most tests will statistically result as a bell curve of grades ranging from F's to A's. If all students get A's or if all students get F's, then all that is proven is that the test was an ineffective way of making the assessment. Tests need to be psychometrically sound; they ought to assess what one is trying to measure. They need to be reflective in order for them to be considered effective! So what is the point in assigning a class of "business professional" to the working world? Is there also a non-professional business class? In actuality, no one elects to dress up in a business suit. When we interview at jobs or interact with clients, this pseudo-culture of business professionalism requires that we dress and behave this way. But why even bother having these rules if they dont successfully determine who the good employees/job candidates are versus the ones who are not so good? All applicants for a position will dress business professional regardless of their aptitude for the job. Its analogous to a professor who tests their students only to find out they all got A's. It was a bad test to begin with because it does nothing to weed-out any of the bad potential. A drugged-out non-professional will put on slacks, blazer, and tie if it means a shot at a job and very well may be able to fool employers and clients! I pose the question, why is professional attire defined by the traditional business suit and look? The only answer I have come across is, because it just is. There is no further explanation and circular reasoning isnt really reasoning at all. Since its all created socially for no real reason, then I can only conclude that the "real world" is more fake than the college world, where aptitude and behavior really is reflected with veracity. (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 25th, 2009
8:10 am	I saw the funniest thing at captain kenos the other day! Disgruntled couple enters the restaurant and orders the all-you-can-eat clam chowder. BIG mistake! The woman begins serving the clam chowder and accidentally spills one measly drop on her shoe. She stepped back to evade the attacking chowder drop but was far to slow. The drop hit her nice leather shoes anyway and she ended up stepping back right into her husband who was carrying a full bowl of clam chowder. The husband spilled the scalding hot chowder all over his hands and arms, as well as the back of his wife. I cannot even begin to describe the grimace he made as a result of the burning chowder... I just sat and watched the steam rise off of his skin. And that's why you shouldnt get married! So right now I am creating a mix of songs for this girl I kind of sort of like but am not sure what to do with. Sometimes when you like someone, you will put in hours of alternatively pressing stop and record buttons to make them a mixtape conveniently burn them a mix cd with just a few minutes of time. I am considering pursuing a second degree in either communication, forestry, or recreation administration. I love the coursework for communications but am unsure of career options. Likewise, I dont know what foresters actually do and recreation administration, albeit a very fun degree to earn, sounds like the biggest joke of a degree out there. Suggestions welcomed. I still need a place to live in Arcata! Its hard to roommate/house hunt when you are 700 miles away. I found one girl who liked what i had to say via email and will consider me. She is a graduate student and very devoted to her work. This struck a thought in me, do I want to live with someone who is responsible, older, mature, and reliable? Of course I do, but then again, I would also like to live with someone who is fun, non-serious, and has time to play with me. And for that reason, I am now starting to miss Anna who is heading out to a university in Boston. Will I ever find a roommate as good as she was? The answer is No. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 16th, 2009
10:28 am	World of illusion This image is a very pristine replication of Disney's "world of illusion" video game for Sega Genesis and is also currently my desktop wallpaper. I really like this image because it depicts how I would like my life to be; poking fun at stubborn anthropomorphic ducks while standing on giant amanita muscarias! The trees in the background of this image remind me of the fantasy world that exists while Im in humboldt. It is such a magical place where you can turn into an animal and climb 200 ft. trees and leap from one coastal pinnacle to another. Im addicted to this image and I dont think I could live a life that doesnt contain its allegorical contents. I may not be able to literally find mushrooms quite that big, but other fantasy elements exist in areas such as humboldt and portland, so I will spend my life living amongst them. Even if this is not real life, and merely an illusion, I think I would prefer a fun world of illusions to a mundane world of constancy. In one month I will return to Humboldt where I can romp around the dream-like landscapes. BTW, I got approved for a government grant to go back to school and do whatever the hell I want. Ive already met all of my academic obligations so this tuition-free semester will be one hell of a good time. Perhaps I will explore some other fields or even pursue a second bachelors. As long as I am not paying for school, there is no reason not to! (Comment on this)